Gold drapes, winners, losers and great TV |
So, I give it a 15 out of 10, it's going so terrifically. So great, I called for unconditional surrender over the weekend, you see that? Said I had to have a say in who governs Iran, even thought about boots on the ground. You know, I don't have yips about boots on the ground.
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Sure, it's taking a bit longer than I'd like to use the military for. I have so many other things to do. Lots of things. Important things like you've never seen before. I've chosen the drapes. You see the drapes? Aren't they magnificent? Chose them myself. But there's still so much more work left to do on the new ballroom.
But we've sunk their navy, killed so many leaders it's making it hard choosing one I might approve because they're all dead. Dead. You hear that? Dead like no one's ever been dead before.
And it's great TV. I know a lot about TV. Beat them all. No one's seen ratings like mine. Biggest ratings in the history of the world. But this TV is great. Unlike anything the world's seen before. So good, we've cut it with gameplay from Call of Duty. Because it is like a game. You've seen it. All the explosions. The smoke. Add a little pew-pew from a computer game and it really is the best. It's a great game because we're winning.
I like winners. Hate losers like that guy from Spain. And Starmer. What's with him? We're not dealing with Churchill here. You know, we use to win wars. Then after World War II we stopped. I'm changing all that.
But no one's giving me credit. I'm asked stupid questions. Like that Fox News guy I normally have a lot of respect for - he's been very nice to me - asking if Russia was feeding Iran intel on what targets to hit. Who asks a question like that at a time like this?
Speaking of Russia, you see I've lifted sanctions on their oil? Just temporary but we might extend it to keep the world economy going. India buys a lot of Russian oil, you know. We had to put a stop to that because it was helping Russia fight Ukraine. Blood oil, some were calling it. Well, my war is bigger than Russia's. So much bigger. Putin never managed to kill the leader but I did. No one's ever seen anything like it.
We're going to keep going until we get the job done. No point stopping now so in 10 years' time we're in the same position and there won't be a president like me to sort it out. You know I've stopped so many wars but I won't stop this one yet. I would if they'd only unconditionally surrender. Then we're gonna make Iran bigger and better. We're gonna make Iran great again.
See my drapes? The gold thread in them? They kinda glitter. You know, I like gold.
HAVE YOUR SAY: Trump gives his war a 15 out 10. How do you rate it? Does the US have a plan or is it just making it up as it goes? Has the war started to affect you with higher prices? Email us: echidna@theechidna.com.au
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT:
- The Victorian government plans to introduce an entrance fee for access to the Twelve Apostles, turning the landmark off the coast of Port Campbell National Park into a paid attraction for the first time.
- Australian authorities are being urged to step up and protect an Iranian soccer team as it wraps up its Women's Asian Cup campaign.
- Events in the Middle East will cast a shadow over Australia's economy with the widening conflict potentially impacting inflation.
THEY SAID IT: "War does not determine who is right - only who is left." - Bertrand Russell
YOU SAID IT: When world events are so grim, local news can offer uplifting respite.
"Thanks once again for your thought provoking article to get the day under way," writes Pat. "A great source of positive local news is the ABC's Sabra Lane fortnightly collection email called The Bright Side. It can easily be subscribed for by visiting the ABC website and contains positive stories from all around Australia."
Ian writes: "I don't have bad news fatigue, I have clickbait fatigue. The news now is so focussed on getting my attention that I am becoming much more selective in which news services I will look at, but unfortunately with fewer investigative journalists they are now all parroting the same sources. The local papers are no different, giving space to local politicians outraged over nothing, drug busts, car crashes and anyone kind enough to buy advertising space. Sorry to be so cynical."
"I continue to subscribe to my local paper, even though the local coverage of news gets smaller every few months," writes Lee. "It focuses on sport, court and good news stories. This week a 94-year-old woman who has volunteered with the CWA for over 50 years was named our Local Woman of the Year. A small school has had a family of four boys as their relay team. The youngest is only in year 2. However, they have seen off all contenders and are now representing their area at a district level. Well done, boys. In other news, a footy/netball club that has had a hard time off the field came together, played hard and all teams had a win. There is always something good to read."
Grant writes: "Your appeal to focus on the good amid the ordeal of daily national and international catastrophe is particularly poignant, considering the death of Aidan Becker in Melbourne last weekend. The only salvation his senseless death offers is the knowledge that simple, basic human decency comes to the fore, even when an individual's life could be at risk. It is that selfless service we like to think is part of our culture but how many of us would have mirrored the extraordinary courage of Aidan Becker? As we laud servicemen and women who paid the ultimate sacrifice to protect others, a lasting memorial needs to be created for this young man whose shining example must never be forgotten."
"I agree that local newspapers can be a welcome relief from the constant barrage of war footage and American politics," writes Murray. "That becomes wearying, for sure. I did stop reading the local newspaper, because of the content of the journalism. As I said once, to get on the front page you needed to be a gay, Indigenous, feminist, road cyclist. Being none of the above there seemed little of interest. What the local papers always seem to do well is sport. And the death notices."
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