Confessions of a shopaphobic: Is there a greater hell than buying new clothes? |
Confessions of a shopaphobic: Is there a greater hell than buying new clothes?
June 6, 2026 — 5:30am
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I am completely unable to purchase decent clothing. Something happens to me in the change room. I lose all judgment. I lose all intelligence. I’m so keen to end the agony, I’ll do anything. Even if it means buying the grey velour track pants that end well above my ankles.
“Just let me out of here!” is the song in my skull as I hand over my credit card and have all manner of inappropriate, ill-fitting crud loaded into a bag by the smiling young shop assistant.
Of course, half an hour later, I’ll be home, showing Jocasta my idiotic purchases. They will include a pair of pants two sizes too small. Or, perhaps, a pair of pants two sizes too large. I favour neither error. I make one mistake, then its opposite, every second time.
There will also be T-shirts in light pastels, such as yellow and pale green, despite the certain knowledge that these will amplify my already impressive girth. A shirt with fluorescent horizontal stripes will often, mysteriously, have made its way into my selection.
Jocasta is too kind to say the horizontal stripes make me look fat. She is worried, though, it may increase the incidence of migraine in the general population.
“Why........