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Just joshing, Australia, here's my real budget

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An alternative budget speech to the one delivered by Treasurer Josh Frydenberg on Tuesday night:

Speaker, I move that this bill now be read a second time. Tonight, I’m gonna lay some major truth bombs on the Australian people. Life is short. So, let’s dispense with the puerile politics, OK?

Let's try that again. Illustration: Dionne GainCredit:

For the second time in 12 years, this budget predicts a return to surplus in the financial year about to start. Wayne Swan also predicted a surplus in his 2012-13 budget, and we all know how that turned out. So, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

To be quite honest, it’s entirely possible the $7 billion surplus I announce tonight could be washed away by falling commodity prices or a less rosy set of economic outcomes than the ones Treasury has pencilled in.

Or maybe I’ll spend it all in coming weeks in a desperate bid to get re-elected. I don’t know. I do have some rather difficult colleagues to please, you know.

Speaker, it remains true that the fundamentals of the Australian economy are sound. But we are negotiating a rather tricky unwinding of a large housing boom and even Blind Freddy can see the rapid pick-up in wages and growth Treasury keeps predicting just never happens.

Imagine a world where real needs were addressed by the Treasurer.Credit:

Which is why I’ve decided to stop all this silly talk about "10-year" tax plans. I mean, really, come on.

Australia has had five different prime ministers over........

© Brisbane Times