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Joe and the Football

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We are not talking about Joe Montana, arguably the greatest quarterback of all time (sorry, Tom). We are talking about Joe Biden, categorically the worst president of all time.

Joe's football weighs a hefty forty-five pounds. It is not composed of pigskin and compressed air. Instead black leather and aluminum hold classified papers and a satellite radio set.

The papers provide information ranging from the relatively mundane to the apocalyptic. Stapled sheets instruct how to use the emergency broadcast system. Loose leaf papers in one binder list secure sites for continuing the government. A second binder, the “Black Book,” lists nuclear strike options. This list can run to seventy-five pages.

The football, or Presidential Emergency Satchel, has existed since the Eisenhower administration. The football is carried by a military aide and should accompany the president at all times. The football gives the president the ability to order a nuclear strike regardless of his location.

A strike order can launch a single nuclear-tipped cruise missile or a full retaliatory barrage of ICBMs. With macabre humor, a former White House official described the incineration power of an order as varying between “rare, medium, or well done.”

On his person, the president is supposed to carry a plastic card nicknamed "the biscuit." If the president issues a nuclear strike order, alphanumeric codes on the biscuit will authenticate his identity.

In other administrations the biscuit and the president have become separated. President Carter left his biscuit in a suit coat that was sent to the cleaners. After President Reagan was shot, his card ended up inside one of his shoes at the hospital. President Clinton, in his........

© American Thinker

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