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Franklin: Or that the president is also bound by the country’s laws!
New Founder: Yes, good idea! And: “The president should not do a coup to become king. We don’t want a king.”
Madison: I think it’s hitting them over the head a little bit if we specify: “The president should not be a king. We don’t want a king.” Trust the reader. They know what we just went through not to have a king.
New Founder: You never know! I think this constitution could be pretty good! Could last a long time, maybe. And then you’d feel pretty foolish if, say, 235 years from now, because you forgot to put in one little line about the president not doing crimes with impunity, we stopped being a democracy.
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George Mason: Democratic republic.
New Founder: Sure. Yes.
Morris: You seem stressed.
Madison: I don’t think we need to say all those obviously redundant things. Our intent is very clear.
New Founder: (Twitching.) I love that optimism!
Madison: It’s just, I worked really hard on this, and all of what you said feels like it’s implied in there already. What moron, what utter nincompoop, would think, “No, the president should get to do a coup if he wants”?
New Founder: Let’s say it! Just in case! I just think we should say everything. Don’t add it later. Say it in the text.
Mason: This is what I am always saying! If you’re really serious about a right, put it in the main text! Don’t just tack it on like some afterthought. If you want people to be able to carry semiautomatic weapons into coffee shops for fun, put it in the big part!
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New Founder: Wait, you envisioned that?
Mason: Envisioned what?
George Washington: What a low opinion of future citizens you seem to have. Who could possibly argue that the president would use his office to suborn the republic?
New Founder: Hypothetically, this might be a great document that works for 235 years, with steady improvements being made all the time. And then some utter ghoul might go before the Supreme Court and — oh! Put in an ethics code for them! And term limits!
Madison: That seems unnecessary.
New Founder: And argue that because it had worked fine for 235 years, we should explicitly dismantle the guardrails that had been holding everything in place for so long!
Franklin: Why, that would be like tossing your umbrella aside because no rain was getting on your head so long as you stood under it!
Morris: Why, that would be like if someone devised a miraculous vaccine that could prevent measles, and everyone took it, and it prevented them from getting measles, and then they said: “No need for vaccines! Measles is gone!”
Mason: Why, that would be like getting rid of child labor laws because there were currently no children working!
[The Mysterious, Disheveled New Founder begins to sob.]
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PHILADELPHIA. CONSTITUTIONAL CONVENTION, 1787.
James Madison: Well done, gentlemen. I believe that here we have a Constitution! Let’s sign this bad boy!
[A mysterious, disheveled New Founder materializes suddenly out of thin air, looking the worse for wear.]
Mysterious, disheveled New Founder: One more thing! Put in: “And just to be clear, the president can’t do crimes. And if he does do crimes, he isn’t absolutely immune from prosecution!” Just to be safe. Just ... for me. I have been here the whole time and am from this time period. I did not just time-travel from Supreme Court oral arguments about a former president’s immunity from criminal prosecution. You can tell because I know who Gouverneur Morris is, which would not be something I would know if I were from any other time.
Gouverneur Morris: Hey!
Benjamin Franklin: That sounds right. But what did you want put in there? That the president can’t do crimes? Surely that’s covered. Why, you might as well add that when the president’s term of office ends, he should leave!
[Muffled laughter.]
New Founder: No, put that! Put that in, too!
Franklin: Or that the president is also bound by the country’s laws!
New Founder: Yes, good idea! And: “The president should not do a coup to become king. We don’t want a king.”
Madison: I think it’s hitting them over the head a little bit if we specify: “The president should not be a king. We don’t want a king.” Trust the reader. They know what we just went through not to have a king.
New Founder: You never know! I think this constitution could be pretty good! Could last a long time, maybe. And then you’d feel pretty foolish if, say, 235 years from now, because you forgot to put in one little line about the president not doing crimes with impunity, we stopped being a democracy.
George Mason: Democratic republic.
New Founder: Sure. Yes.
Morris: You seem stressed.
Madison: I don’t think we need to say all those obviously redundant things. Our intent is very clear.
New Founder: (Twitching.) I love that optimism!
Madison: It’s just, I worked really hard on this, and all of what you said feels like it’s implied in there already. What moron, what utter nincompoop, would think, “No, the president should get to do a coup if he wants”?
New Founder: Let’s say it! Just in case! I just think we should say everything. Don’t add it later. Say it in the text.
Mason: This is what I am always saying! If you’re really serious about a right, put it in the main text! Don’t just tack it on like some afterthought. If you want people to be able to carry semiautomatic weapons into coffee shops for fun, put it in the big part!
New Founder: Wait, you envisioned that?
Mason: Envisioned what?
George Washington: What a low opinion of future citizens you seem to have. Who could possibly argue that the president would use his office to suborn the republic?
New Founder: Hypothetically, this might be a great document that works for 235 years, with steady improvements being made all the time. And then some utter ghoul might go before the Supreme Court and — oh! Put in an ethics code for them! And term limits!
Madison: That seems unnecessary.
New Founder: And argue that because it had worked fine for 235 years, we should explicitly dismantle the guardrails that had been holding everything in place for so long!
Franklin: Why, that would be like tossing your umbrella aside because no rain was getting on your head so long as you stood under it!
Morris: Why, that would be like if someone devised a miraculous vaccine that could prevent measles, and everyone took it, and it prevented them from getting measles, and then they said: “No need for vaccines! Measles is gone!”
Mason: Why, that would be like getting rid of child labor laws because there were currently no children working!
[The Mysterious, Disheveled New Founder begins to sob.]
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