I was taking a walk through my neighborhood with a friend yesterday. We were doing our usual “cigar walk,” during which we smoke cigars and stroll along the streets of Greenwich Village.
We have convinced ourselves that walking, even at our relaxed pace, counts as aerobic activity, which means that by walking and smoking at the same time, our bodies are reducing the elevated number of C-reactive proteins in our blood caused by smoking in the first place. According to the way we figure it, as long as we walk and smoke at the same time, it’s like we’re not even smoking at all.
THE INTERNET PEDANTS WILL HAVE THEIR DAY
Mostly, we stroll like old-time boulevardiers, taking in the street sights, commenting on the weather, and sharing insights on how much better everything in the world would be if only people would do what we tell them to do. What we don’t do is talk about anything controversial or incendiary — cigar walks are for pleasant chitchat, not current events debate.
Once, we made the mistake of talking about the war in Ukraine, which led us to some thorny and nettlesome matters. It became one of those conversations in which both parties are furiously looking things up on their phones, which is impossible to do safely while smoking a cigar and walking. I was nearly flattened by a passing Uber while looking up the number of Russian speakers in Donbas. My friend tripped on some uneven pavement while clarifying the range of the Franco-British Storm Shadow air-launched missile.
After those close calls, we made a rule: Keep it light.
But yesterday, when we passed a storefront that was already decorated with Christmas displays and holiday lights, my friend erupted. “Too soon!” he shouted. “Christmas decorations should wait until after Thanksgiving!” And he shrugged and gave me a look as if to say, Am I right? I’m right, right?
I didn’t want to argue — see cigar walk rule above — but I actually don’t care much when Christmas decorations appear. Before Thanksgiving — hell, before Halloween — I’m fine with it. In fact, I sort of enjoy the way they start showing up here and there, like little bursts of Christmas cheer, right when the days start getting shorter and colder.
Some people start their Christmas engines early, and some keep them going well past Dec. 25. That’s OK by me. I have a friend who insists that, technically, Christmas isn’t over until Candlemas, which commemorates the day that the baby Jesus was presented at the Temple.
“That’s insane,” my friend said when I told him about this. “That’s, when? In February?”
“Feb. 2,” I said.
“Madness,” he said. “At that point, the tree is so dry that it’s like one giant piece of kindling. Everyone’s house would go up in flames.”
“OK,” I said. “How do you feel about Jan. 6 as the official end of Christmas? That’s the traditional Twelfth Day, after all.”
He shook his head emphatically. “Decorations go up after Thanksgiving, and they come down New Year’s Day. That’s the rule. You can Google it. That’s the rule.”
And he jammed his cigar into his teeth and pulled out his phone to Google Correct date for xmas decor up and down, which inspired me to do the same, Googling xmas decorations until Epiphany jan 6?
And we were suddenly back to our old bad habits of looking down at our phones and barking at each other, ignoring the buses and taxis and bike deliverymen while we each tried to prove that the other one was full of it. In other words, another cigar walk was ruined by a controversial hot topic. Clearly, whatever guidelines we had in place weren’t working. We needed a better way to keep the conversation peaceful and relaxing.
As with all big social problems, a solution was found in market-based incentives. Rather than redlining certain topics, we’d simply enforce a new rule: Whoever reaches into his pocket first to get out his phone has to buy the cigars for the next cigar walk. And since we both like to smoke pricey cigars, this rule has a very real chance to succeed. Which is a good thing, because it would be a shame to go to all that trouble to reduce our elevated C-reactive proteins just to get hit by a bus while arguing about climate change.
CLICK HERE TO READ MORE FROM THE WASHINGTON EXAMINER
Rob Long is a television writer and producer, including as a screenwriter and executive producer on Cheers, and he is the co-founder of Ricochet.com.
The trick to avoiding fighting over politics
12
0
17.11.2023
I was taking a walk through my neighborhood with a friend yesterday. We were doing our usual “cigar walk,” during which we smoke cigars and stroll along the streets of Greenwich Village.
We have convinced ourselves that walking, even at our relaxed pace, counts as aerobic activity, which means that by walking and smoking at the same time, our bodies are reducing the elevated number of C-reactive proteins in our blood caused by smoking in the first place. According to the way we figure it, as long as we walk and smoke at the same time, it’s like we’re not even smoking at all.
THE INTERNET PEDANTS WILL HAVE THEIR DAY
Mostly, we stroll like old-time boulevardiers, taking in the street sights, commenting on the weather, and sharing insights on how much better everything in the world would be if only people would do what we tell them to do. What we don’t do is talk about anything controversial or incendiary — cigar walks are for pleasant chitchat, not current events debate.
Once, we made the mistake of talking about the war in........
© Washington Examiner
visit website
login
who are we?
contact us
qosheapp
Toi Staff
Gideon Levy
Belen Fernandez
Andrew Mitrovica
Mort Laitner
Rami G Khouri
Ali Fathollah-Nejad
Nikkei Editorial
