This Thanksgiving , maybe it's time to be a little bit less polite.
That's one of the themes of Alexandra Hudson's new book, The Soul of Civility. Hudson, a manners and etiquette guru, nonetheless warns against the dangers and limits of politeness in certain contexts. Politeness, she cautions, is about "smoothing over differences and helping us just 'get along.'"
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It's about putting on a bright smile and scolding everyone to keep their opinions to themselves, lest we ruffle any feathers. It has little room for intense disagreement. It can even be weaponized; in a world where so many are quick to take offense, the accusation that one party is being impolite can be a way to shut down the conversation and even to "invoke control of others."
Instead, Hudson recommends that we replace our attempts at politeness with something deeper: civility. For Hudson, civility means treating other people with the dignity and worth that they deserve as human beings who have the spark of the divine inside of them. It means seeing our dinner companions as ends in themselves, not just as means to our own ends.
My liberal cousin isn't merely an obstacle to my side's attempts to win elections or someone who could advance my cause if I could win her over. She's also a human in her own right, someone with dreams and goals and aspirations, someone who wants deep connection and the best world for her husband and children. Ultimately, civility means recognizing that she is as worthy of happiness as I am.
When we engage with our opponents civilly, we don't stop talking about politics. Indeed, Hudson says that sometimes hard conversations over difficult issues are an essential part of showing each other respect. As she puts it, "Civility requires respecting others by telling hard truths and engaging in robust debate." But in the course of this robust debate, we should foreground our relationship with the other person and their inherent dignity.
Leonard Read, the founder of the Foundation for Economic Education, was good at striking this balance. Read was a libertarian, and a combination of faith and reason led him to the conclusion that we all have innate and equal worth, and therefore, the government shouldn't be able to bully or harass people (or, to Hudson's point, use them merely as a means to an end). This same logic led him to the conclusion that if he was going to exhort the government to respect the dignity of every human being, then he had a moral obligation to do the same.
When someone wrote Read a scathing letter attacking his ideas or beliefs, he would give them what he called the "FEE Treatment." What is the FEE Treatment? "Treat every individual as you would treat the Lord." By responding to critics with respect and grace, Read was able to win even dedicated socialists to his cause.
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We can do no less. A recent ABC News/Ipsos poll found that 76% believe the country is headed in the wrong direction. Now is not the time for us to be silent or passively sit by as our country continues down the wrong track. At the same time, if we burn bridges and run roughshod over our closest relationships in pursuit of "winning" the argument, then we'll lose a lot of what makes life worth living in the first place.
So, this Thanksgiving, let's not try to avoid talking politics. Let's not try to "smooth over" our differences or pretend they don't exist. Instead, let's try to keep it civil.
Julian Adorney is a writer with the Foundation for Economic Education and is on the media team at Braver Angels. He's a contributor to the Washington Examiner's Beltway Confidential blog and has also written for National Review, the Federalist, Quillette, and other outlets.
This Thanksgiving, let's talk politics
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23.11.2023
This Thanksgiving , maybe it's time to be a little bit less polite.
That's one of the themes of Alexandra Hudson's new book, The Soul of Civility. Hudson, a manners and etiquette guru, nonetheless warns against the dangers and limits of politeness in certain contexts. Politeness, she cautions, is about "smoothing over differences and helping us just 'get along.'"
EXISTING HOME SALES FALL TO LOWEST LEVEL SINCE 2010 THANKS TO HIGH MORTGAGE RATES
It's about putting on a bright smile and scolding everyone to keep their opinions to themselves, lest we ruffle any feathers. It has little room for intense disagreement. It can even be weaponized; in a world where so many are quick to take offense, the accusation that one party is being impolite can be a way to shut down the conversation and even to "invoke control of others."
Instead, Hudson recommends that we replace our attempts at politeness with something deeper: civility. For........
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