David Gormley
In the wake of celebrity and political scandals — not to mention the popularity last year of the Korean Netflix drama “The Glory” — public discussion around school bullying has intensified.
In Korea, school violence has reached a 10-year high, according to the annual government survey in December 2023. Data shows the reported incidents of school bullying doubled between 2017 and 2022.
The trend goes beyond Korea. One in three students reported being bullied by school peers in 2019, according to UNESCO.
During my 25 years of teaching in Britain, Venezuela, Thailand and Korea, parents have often asked me how they could help their child overcome school bullying.
Here are some practical steps for parents and caregivers based on my experience leading school safeguarding and related training.
First is the question of definition. Bullying is a persistent pattern of behavior intended to upset another person and potentially cause them harm. It can be physical or verbal and can be carried out on or off school premises and online. It can involve violence, threats, teasing, spreading rumors, coercion, aggression, humiliation, exclusion and sexual harassment.
That doesn’t mean that every difficult interaction between children is a form of bullying. Every day, small conflicts help children learn how to communicate, self-control and stand up for themselves and others. Bullying occurs when children go beyond regular disagreements and tensions and purposely target someone to upset or harm them.
It is not always easy to know if a child is being bullied. Unexplained physical injuries may be the most immediately alarming indication. Parents should also pay attention to anger outbursts, tears, heightened sensitivity, low self-esteem and social isolation. These may all be signs of distress.
A bullied child may also frequently claim to feel unwell and avoid going to school. Their eating and sleeping habits may change. Also, a bullied child may begin to act like a bully themself.
If you suspect your child is being bullied, the first step is to have a direct and honest conversation. Show that you understand what bullying is and how it can make people feel. Students feel less isolated if they know they are not alone.
The other side of this important conversation is to listen carefully and calmly and be ready to offer emotional support. That doesn’t mean getting overly angry. In fact, showing anger can make things worse.
If your child denies that they are being bullied despite your suspicions, it may be that they do not feel ready to talk. In that case, you should let them know you are there for them but tell them they can talk to another family member or trusted adult at school.
If you confirm that your child is being bullied, those conversations should happen more often. You should continue to listen attentively. Reassure them that you love them, that bullying is unacceptable, and that you will support them through it.
I recommend you find activities that you enjoy doing together. This helps build their resilience and well-being. Remember to acknowledge and celebrate your child’s efforts in these areas rather than focus on success or failure.
Support your child to make time to relax and switch off from worrying with simple activities like listening to music, exercising, watching a movie, reading or creating music or art.
It will also help your child to spend time with friends they trust and who treat them well. Support them in identifying these friends and in spending time with them. It may help your child to join a club or group at school or an outside organization where they could meet new people with whom they could make meaningful connections.
On a practical level, it is worth keeping a record so you have evidence in case you need to show your child’s school, the local education authority, or even the police.
If your child is being bullied by a fellow student or students, meet with your child’s teacher as soon as possible. Form a joint plan of action to both support your child and make sure the bullying stops. Confirm everything that is agreed in writing and hold a follow-up meeting within a few weeks. This should be productive because schools are supposed to have safeguarding protocols and guidelines on how to handle bullying.
Meanwhile, keep reassuring your child that the school and local officials are there to support them. If your child is particularly anxious about attending school during this time, remain calm and keep communicating with all concerned.
If bullying is happening in a particular place, it may be possible to at least temporarily change your child’s routine to keep them safe or to make sure they are accompanied by a trusted friend. Suggest options for them, such as emergency phone numbers or safe spaces they could rely on.
If your child is experiencing online bullying, there are extra steps such as blocking the bully and reporting to the game or social media platform concerned. Most platforms have anti-bullying policies.
Rather than trying to solve the problem by forcing your child offline, I would recommend teaching them how to use social media safely.
School bullying is painful for the students who experience it, for their parents and caregivers, and often for teachers, too. By working together, it is possible to create a very positive outcome for those impacted.
There are good resources out there that can help, such as Common Sense Media and youngminds.org.uk in English and Cyber 1388 in Korean. I hope such platforms can be of use to you or someone you know.
David Gormley is the head of Student Support Services and College Safeguarding at Dulwich College Seoul
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