When it comes to ending romance, breaking up is hard to do; but putting oneself back together again can be even harder. Nonetheless, as I have discussed previously,[i] it is possible to both survive and thrive post-breakup.
From distraction to disengagement, self-medication to therapy, people deal with the pain of romantic dissolution in different ways, not all of which are beneficial, or even effective. Sure, it depends on who ended the relationship and why, as well as the chances of reconciliation.[ii] Other factors influencing relationship rebound include duration, formality (marriage or dating), shared children, and more. But whatever the circumstances, there are ways to ease the blow, soothe the pain, and embark on the road to recovery. Here are a few.
The Comfort of Control
One of the reasons being suddenly single can be so stressful involves a lack of control. According to research,[iii] non-initiation is linked with experiencing a breakup as more stressful, likely due to feeling less control over the breakup. Accordingly, taking steps to regain control over one’s life such as intentionally structuring daily activities and proactively planning the future will help new singles bounce back from being on the relational receiving end of bad news.
When Love Lingers, Distraction is Desirable
Sandra J.E. Langeslag and Michelle E. Sanchez (2018) studied the impact of regulating lingering feelings of love after a breakup on well-being.[iv] Their research involved examining people who were upset about a romantic break-up performing three love regulation strategies before viewing a picture of their ex, at the time their electroencephalogram (EEG) was recorded.
Langeslag and Sanchez began by recognizing that lingering feelings of love for an ex are negatively associated with recovery from a failed romantic relationship. Accordingly, they discuss the importance of love regulation, defined as using cognitive or behavioral strategies to alter the intensity of current feelings of romantic love. One of the three regulation strategies they studied was distraction, which is often one of the most popular strategies for passing the time in seeking to avoid heartbreak. Langeslag and Sanchez found that distraction did not change feelings of love, but made participants feel more pleasant.
The Gift of Time
With the support of family, friends, and faith, a broken heart heals with time. Just like a physical injury, it is better every day, restored through patience and positivity. And speaking of time, rather than viewing failed romance as time wasted, individuals can view love lost as lessons learned. There is a time to grieve, followed by a time to grow.
Focus on the Future
New singles are advised to keep their eyes on the road ahead, not the rearview mirror. Future planning provides singles with a sense of comfort, hope, healing, and greater control over their lives, personally and professionally. In addition, actively planning lunch dates with friends, time for the gym, networking activities, or even catching up on errands can provide a therapeutic distraction that will prevent pondering the past, and facilitate a focus on the future. And as time goes on, with support and positive strategies, a bright future includes a willingness not to forget the past, but to put the past into perspective.
References
[i] how-survive-and-thrive-after-breakup.
[ii] what-makes-couples-more-likely-get-back-together.
[iii] Tashiro, Ty, and Patricia Frazier. 2003. “‘I’ll Never Be in a Relationship like That Again’: Personal Growth Following Romantic Relationship Breakups.” Personal Relationships 10 (1): 113–28. doi:10.1111/1475-6811.00039.
[iv] Langeslag, Sandra J. E., and Michelle E. Sanchez. 2018. “Down-Regulation of Love Feelings after a Romantic Break-up: Self-Report and Electrophysiological Data.” Journal of Experimental Psychology: General 147 (5): 720–33. doi:10.1037/xge0000360.
Repairing Broken Hearts: How to Bounce Back After a Breakup
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17.12.2023
When it comes to ending romance, breaking up is hard to do; but putting oneself back together again can be even harder. Nonetheless, as I have discussed previously,[i] it is possible to both survive and thrive post-breakup.
From distraction to disengagement, self-medication to therapy, people deal with the pain of romantic dissolution in different ways, not all of which are beneficial, or even effective. Sure, it depends on who ended the relationship and why, as well as the chances of reconciliation.[ii] Other factors influencing relationship rebound include duration, formality (marriage or dating), shared children, and more. But whatever the circumstances, there are ways to ease the blow, soothe the pain, and embark on the road to recovery. Here are a few.
The Comfort of Control
One of the reasons being suddenly single can be so stressful involves a lack of control. According to research,[iii]........
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