Most people understand that the most important things in life are free. Love, comfort, happiness—the list goes on. Healthy relationships involve both partners enjoying life’s pleasures together. When one overemphasizes wealth as part of their self-worth, it can lead to frustration, dissatisfaction, and relational conflict.

According to research, financial self-worth is not directly tied to actual wealth. Deborah Ward et al. (2021) examined the role of financial self-worth in relationships in their paper, “For the Love of Money.”[i] They recognized financial conflicts as among the top reasons for partner dissatisfaction and relational dissolution in romantic pairings, and sought to explore beyond the pressure of economic strain to investigate the psychological precursors of the types of financial conflicts that impact relationship satisfaction.

They proposed that only people who base their self-worth on financial success would be likely to experience frequent and intense financial conflict with partners, in part because they prioritize the pursuit of money over that of relationship development. Their findings supported this proposal. (Common experience does as well.)

Not everyone who has enjoyed financial success considers money to be a part of their identity. Benevolent philanthropists are celebrated and cherished for their authentic generosity, and many have healthy personal and family relationships as well. The separate class of people who over-identify with money may benefit from gentle reminders that even if they have wealth, they not only cannot take it with them at the end of their lives, but they cannot enjoy it alone between now and then.

How can you best recognize financial overidentification? Not through occupation, Zip code, or actual wealth. You can perceive it through clues such as preference in conversation topics, boasting about recent purchases or planned acquisitions, or photos shared in online dating profiles. Someone who shares pictures of his or her children or pets may indicate a healthier mindset than someone who primarily showcases high-end logos, or photos of themselves in sports cars or aboard a yacht.

In the end, because most people recognize the value of relational prosperity over money, when involved with a partner who has a proclivity toward financially-based self-worth, expressing love, validation, and appreciation can effectively accompany an effort to facilitate a shift in focus. People who love money can be reassured of their personal worth aside from their pursuit of wealth. An understanding partner can prompt a change in priorities, leading through example with a healthy emphasis on family, friends, and faith, in order to demonstrate how the best things in life are free.

References

[i] Ward, Deborah E., Lora E. Park, Courtney M. Walsh, Kristin Naragon-Gainey, Elaine Paravati, and Ashley V. Whillans. 2021. “For the Love of Money: The Role of Financially Contingent Self-Worth in Romantic Relationships.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 38 (4): 1303–28. doi:10.1177/0265407521991663.