“It just happened,” says a partner trying to explain an act of infidelity. Is that ever true? Acts of adultery are decisions—often poorly made and regrettable, but intentional actions nonetheless. Betrayals of trust within intimates are devastating to the innocent partner and can derail relationships. Although there are links between deciding to stray and the ability to delay gratification or think before acting, not everyone who is impulsive is unfaithful. Consider the ways in which predisposition interacts with principles and personality.
For many people, impulsivity is a common challenge—from the retail store to the grocery store. That is why the candy and magazines with salacious headlines are still at the cash register, and our Internet sessions are bombarded with clickbait advertising. Research reveals, however, that within relationships, impulsivity can be associated with more than spending out of our price range or going off our diets—it can be associated with infidelity.
F. Carrier Emond et al. (2016) examined the link between sexual impulsivity and problematic adult sexual behaviors.1 They begin broadly, noting the significance of this issue generally, given the reality that people who succumb to immediate sexual gratification may suffer negative consequences relationally, but also physically, psychologically, or legally—which has been my focus as a sex crimes prosecutor for almost 30 years.
Emond et al. recognize impulsivity as a risk factor for conjugal infidelity as well as risky sexual behaviors in general, which can lead to unwanted pregnancy and the transmittal of sexually transmitted infections, as well as sexual coercion, which the authors define as a “strategy used to have a sexual contact with someone who is unwilling or unable to consent.”
Emond et al. also recognize impulsivity as a multidimensional construct including factors such as the inability to tolerate delay, trouble inhibiting inappropriate behavior, and having a predisposition to act without considering the consequences. Regarding the nature of impulsivity as a character trait, Emond et al. defined it as “a relatively stable intrapersonal characteristic leading individuals to engage in reckless, inconsiderate actions.” They additionally note, however, that some people uniquely struggle with appropriate self-control within the sexual domain.
Emond et al. note that impulsivity and conjugal infidelity have been associated with general measures of impulsivity as well as with sensation seeking. They also recognize what many people have experienced as a practical matter, either personally or as the victim of infidelity—the relationship between unfaithful behavior and problematic drug and alcohol use. Substance abuse can prompt behavioral disinhibition, which is one of the reasons partners predisposed toward overindulgence are well-advised to avoid situations where their better judgment may be overruled in the moment, such as may occur at parties or events with an open bar.
Singles looking for true love and not merely a liaison are advised to examine the principles behind the interpersonal presentation. Many adventurous people are exciting as well as ethical, tempering fun with family, friends, and faith. Instead of only looking for red flags, consider some of the green lights:
In life and love, the real reward lies at the end of a road well-traveled—safely down the middle. Consider someone’s past and straight path in determining whether their morals and makeup are a match for you.
References
1. Emond, F. Carrier, K. Nolet, G. Cyr, J.-L. Rouleau, and J. Gagnon. 2016. “Sexual Impulsivity and Problematic Sexual Behaviors in Adults: Towards Innovative Domain-Specific Behavioral Measures.” Sexologies: European Journal of Sexology and Sexual Health / Revue Européenne de Sexologie et de Santé Sexuelle 25 (4): e77–82. doi:10.1016/j.sexol.2015.12.002.
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