On November 18, 1978, U.S. Congressman Leo J. Ryan was assassinated along with over 900 members of Jim Jones' People’s Temple cult. It has been 45 years, and it seems like the world still has not understood the reality that human minds can be hacked and brainwashed to follow authority figures who are deeply disturbed, malignant narcissists.
Helping a family member or friend who has been drawn into an authoritarian cult or fringe conspiracy cult, like QAnon, is a challenging and delicate task. My experience as an expert on cults and undue influence has shown me that respect, curiosity, compassion, patience, and strategic communication are essential. If you are like many people, you have tried furiously to debate and use rational arguments to persuade the person they are wrong. You became frustrated being told to “do your own research” and were overwhelmed when you received 20 or more links to things to read or watch. Many people get fed up and block or cut off contact with the person, often after calling them belittling names.
Many intelligent, educated people from good families can get deceived and brainwashed into an authoritarian belief system. Some of these systems are political. Some are religious. Some are both. In 2023, most cult recruitment occurs online through social media, YouTube, and messaging apps. Most people spend over eight hours a day online. A surprising number spend many more hours than that.
Although now defunct, the political consulting firm Cambridge Analytica, a self-described “global election management agency,” collected an estimated 5,000 data points for every voting American—data points that now live on the "dark web" and can be sold to the highest bidder and used to sway opinions. With AI and supercomputers, millions of minds can be swayed by algorithms uniquely tailored to influence a person. High emotional arousal, such as fear, disgust, outrage, and anger, overwhelm cognitive critical thinking—paving the way for outlandish beliefs that have no evidence to be assimilated into a person’s psyche unconsciously without their knowledge or consent.
To help a family member in the grip of a cult or conspiracy theory, it is vital to maintain an open line of communication. Cults and conspiracy theories often drive a wedge between individuals and their previous support systems, so maintaining trust is crucial. Be a supportive, non-judgmental presence in their life. Avoid confrontation about their beliefs, as this can lead to further isolation.
Encourage critical thinking in a non-confrontational way. This could be through asking questions that prompt self-reflection rather than directly challenging their beliefs. Suggest alternative sources of information and offer to explore them together, fostering a sense of curiosity and openness. Be a good consumer and check the credentials and expertise for anyone whose messaging you believe. Beware of confirmation bias, which is the tendency to accept things that mirror your existing beliefs. Often, propagandists create materials with believable headlines but say the opposite in the message itself.
Offer support and resources. Be accessible to listen. Mirror back what they are saying to you to demonstrate you are listening. Ask their opinion about other cult situations, for example, Chinese communist brainwashing centers or how traffickers and pimps control people to be their slaves. It’s important to remember that you cannot force someone to change their beliefs, but you can offer them tools and support to make their own decisions.
Finally, remember that this process takes time. Be patient and take care of your mental health, too. Supporting someone in such a situation can be emotionally taxing, so ensure that your support system is in place.
Helping someone drawn into a cult or a fringe conspiracy theory requires a delicate balance of empathy, patience, and strategic communication. It’s about being there for them, offering support, and gently guiding them towards critical thinking and self-reflection.
When dealing with family or friends who have fallen for conspiracy theories or cult-like groups, it’s important to know effective and counterproductive approaches:
What to Do:
Listen Actively: Show empathy and try to understand their perspective without judgment. Active listening can help them feel heard and respected.
Encourage Media Literacy: Share knowledge about the science of social psychology, especially of influence. Ask them to watch the documentary The Social Dilemma with you, and pause it to discuss the reality of digital influence. Gently ask questions with respect and curiosity. Suggest looking at different sources or viewpoints.
Maintain a Connection: Keep the lines of communication open. Isolation can deepen their commitment to the group or theory. Give them a face-saving way out by sharing your changes in perspective on issues as you learn more.
Set Boundaries: While maintaining contact, it’s essential to set boundaries to protect your mental health. You can ask them to share one thing, agree to discuss it, and then take turns so that you share something and they discuss it with you. Pursue together what makes the most sense and has persuasive evidence.
Seek Professional Help: If necessary, consult with professionals experienced in cult deprogramming
What Not to Do:
Don’t Argue or Confront: Confrontation or trying to argue them out of their beliefs often backfires, leading to further entrenchment.
Avoid Mocking or Dismissing: Belittling their beliefs can lead to defensiveness and damage your relationship.
Don’t Force Information: Overloading them with facts or information, especially if unsolicited, can be overwhelming and counterproductive.
Avoid Ultimatums: Ultimatums may push them further into the group or theory, as they often foster an “us vs. them” mentality.
Don’t Neglect Self-Care: Focusing too much on helping them at the expense of your own well-being can be detrimental to both parties.
In each case, it is crucial to approach the situation with patience, empathy, and understanding, recognizing that changing deeply held beliefs is complex and needs to be gradual to minimize trauma.
References
Orlowski-Yan, J. (Director). (2020). The Social Dilemma [Film]. Exposure Labs.
Hassan , S. A., PhD (2022). Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults, and Beliefs (3rd ed.). Freedom of Mind Press.
Marci, C. D., MD (2022). Rewired: Protecting Your Brain in the Digital Age. Harvard University Press.
Freedom of Mind Resource Center (2021, November 22). How to help a friend or family member out of their extreme belief. Retrieved November 20, 2023, from https://freedomofmind.com/help-a-family-member-out-of-extreme-belief/
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