I have a confession to make. I am a therapist, and I am not always good at sitting with my feelings. It can be hard. Some feelings are painful and uncomfortable to feel. I would much rather move to problem-solving, something I am good at and that can often be useful. But there is a problem with bypassing feelings too quickly by going straight to the solution—or by suppressing them, distracting from them, or numbing yourself from them so you don’t have to feel them.

If you don’t let yourself feel your feelings, you cannot receive the messages they have for you. Failing to do so may mean that you stay in unhealthy situations for too long or you don’t take healthy risks that might lead to growth and new opportunities. It may mean that you miss learning something important or valuable about yourself that will enhance your sense of self or the quality of your life. And in the worst-case scenarios, the efforts made (conscious or unconscious) to avoid your feelings may lead to self-destructive behaviors such as substance abuse, eating disorders, over-shopping, or self-harm.

There may be many valid reasons why you struggle to feel your feelings. They may feel overwhelming and you may fear that they will overpower your ability to cope with them. You may have grown up in a home environment where feelings were not valued, or where there was no modeling or encouragement for recognizing and attending to your feelings. You may have been raised in an environment where disconnecting from your feelings was the best coping strategy available to you and actually helped you. Even in the presence of these challenges, you can learn to sit with your feelings in a healthy and manageable way. It is a skill anyone can develop at any stage in life, with practice.

What does it actually mean to “sit with your feelings”? It means to first notice them. And then to welcome them in, with curiosity, rather than seeking to avoid, repress, or distract from them. To be curious means to wonder why they are there, and what message they may have for you. It also means sitting in the discomfort that may accompany your feelings, without the need to avoid the uneasiness. This requires skills and strategies to help you to be in the discomfort without being overwhelmed by it.

So how do you do this? You start by noticing and naming your feelings when they appear. There are a number of ways you can practice doing this.

These prompts can help you to access a full range of feelings.

The benefit for you in feeling your feelings is that you gain the opportunity to learn and grow from them and to make changes in your life (big or small) that will be aligned with your authentic self and greatest self-interest.