My coaching clients have big dreams, and when they haven’t been able to reach a goal, whether it’s a major annual goal or a smaller daily goal, they’ll tell me it’s because of how lazy they are. They’ll go on to list all the ways in which they’re lazy, how frequently they’re lazy, and why they’ll continue to be lazy. They then use their laziness as an excuse for why they can’t do the very things in life they hired me to help them do.
The thing is, none of my clients are actually lazy. Just like everyone else, they just run into periods of low motivation. It’s unsustainable to be constantly moving toward our goals, to always feel passion for them, or to get up every single day and put in work towards something huge. We’re living creatures, and we require rest, relaxation, and recovery.
What most people don’t understand is that motivation can be dissected so that we can diagnose which part is broken and come up with a plan to fix it. In his book, The Art of Impossible, Steven Kotler identifies three main skill sets involved in motivation: drive, grit, and goals (2021). I use this framework when helping my clients get to the root of their “laziness” (aka low motivation).
When we don’t have a lot of drive, we might not feel passionate about much, or perhaps our passion has waned for a bit. Things that used to excite us no longer do. We also might not see the purpose in our big goals anymore and may start to wonder why we ever thought they were a good idea to begin with.
Self-doubt creeps in as we question our skills, beliefs, and experience. We might lack belief in ourselves and find that we want to retreat, making ourselves smaller and quieter as we do.
If you find that you’re low in passion right now, you’ll want to start by reconnecting with it. First, know that it’s perfectly normal for passions to ebb and flow. The social media posts about how if you find your passion, everything will be easy and wonderful are myths. That’s not how passion works. Passions require maintenance and cultivation. We must work to keep them going.
If you’re in the ebb part of your passion right now, just focus on cultivating it a bit. Let’s say you normally love running but have recently found that you must force yourself just to go for a short jog. Read blogs by runners, join a running group, or focus on other physical aspects that are still helpful for running but don’t involve actual running, like doing yoga or biking.
Maybe you realize that you’re unsure of your purpose right now and are experiencing self-doubt. Take time each day to journal about your why. Use the following questions as your journal prompts:
Grit is our passion and perseverance towards a goal (Angela Duckworth 2016). If we’re low in grit, we feel as though we just can’t keep going anymore, as if we don’t have the physical or mental stamina to continue. We find that we’re no longer checking items off our to-do list and struggle to be consistent with the goal plan we were so excited to create just a short time ago. We might find distractions, like our devices, alcohol, or binge-watching shows.
Start by taking responsibility. Tell yourself, “I’m not being very gritty lately.” Just owning it can make a difference. Next, focus on small ways to increase your grit. Blast yourself with cold water at the end of a shower and see how long you can tolerate it. The next shower, see if you can go one second longer than the previous time, and keep adding on the seconds each shower.
You’ll also see an increase in grit when you eliminate some of the major distractions in your life. If you find that you’re getting distracted by your phone, change it. Delete apps that you tend to waste time on and clean up your screens by consolidating apps into shared folders. Grit is a muscle that can be exercised, so when you’re weaker in this area, work on rebuilding your strength.
When we’re not clear on our goals, we don’t have a sense of direction. We don’t know what steps to take or what actions will create the change we’re seeking. We find ourselves going in one direction for a bit, only to quickly change as soon as we run into an obstacle (or something more exciting). We might even know what we want to achieve, but since we haven’t mapped out the daily steps, we end up spending our time on whatever pops up on our calendars or inboxes.
If you know what your vision is but haven’t taken the time to break down the steps, start here. Take yourself out for coffee and bring your laptop or journal. Start with your vision or purpose and ask yourself what you’d need to accomplish in five years to make that vision happen. Write those things down, and then ask yourself what you’d need to accomplish in a year to make the five-year plan happen. Take the yearly steps and break them down into quarterly, monthly, and weekly goals.
This can be a time-consuming and tedious task, so if you need to do this over multiple coffee dates, do it. Just make sure you stick with it until every goal is broken down. Once you have your weekly goals, you can create a daily to-do list. Take a few minutes to update this daily list at the end of each day, creating a new one for the next day. Now, you’re on track to reach your goals!
This simple reframe can make all the difference. Instead of feeling helpless, we can diagnose the area we’re struggling with and create positive change. Identify if you’re lacking in drive, grit, or goals, and then get to work on building your passion or purpose, increasing your grit, or getting clear on your goals—all while reminding yourself it’s a motivation issue, not a personality trait. And then watch yourself make progress.
References
Duckworth, Angela (2016). Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. Scribner.
Kotler, Steven (2021). The Art of the Impossible: A Peak Performance Primer. Harper.
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