Growing up, our world is severely limited. Our relationship with our parents dictates our well-being and we haven’t yet developed the tools to objectively evaluate our family and its emotional dynamics.
Considering how dependent, vulnerable, and impressionable children are, we can imagine how badly things can go when the parental role falls in the wrong hands. Take narcissism, for instance. A narcissistic parent—driven by self-interest—might organize the entire family around their emotional needs, neglecting and scarring their children in distinct and complicated ways.
Identifying and defining abusive behavior empowers people to learn from it, grow, and move past it. If you have spent your childhood in the shadow of a narcissistic parent, you may identify with at least one of the following dysfunctional parent-child dynamics.
This parent-child relationship has a strong transactional component. In this scenario, one child is favored and loved-bombed by their parent—if and only if they conform to the conditions levied on them. From the outside, it may look like your narcissistic parent fawns over you and pampers you frequently. However, it is only the “golden child” who understands what it takes to remain perched on this pedestal their parent put them on.
For instance, when the golden child performs well academically, a narcissistic parent might be inclined to reward them disproportionately and boast about their achievements to everyone around. The problem arises when the golden child slips up—typically incurring an unwarranted amount of discipline, ridicule, and punishment.
This dysfunctional dynamic can go undiagnosed for a long time, as it can look like the child is being showered with love, care, and appreciation from afar. Outsiders are rarely privy to the nefarious underpinnings of this exploitative form of parenting, including the following:
On the opposite end of the spectrum from the golden child lies the scapegoat. If the golden child shoulders the pressure of being perfect, the scapegoat becomes the “fall guy” for anything going awry in the narcissistic parent’s life. A 2023 study published in The Journal Of Psychology explains how narcissistic scapegoating can lead to anxiety and depression in children—but the bad news doesn’t stop there.
The scapegoat absorbs the shockwaves of any family conflict, suffers ridicule–both covert and overt—and is usually the object of the narcissist’s scrutiny and criticism. If a sibling got lost in a crowd during an outing, the scapegoat must have gotten distracted and let go of their hand. If the scapegoat is being punished disproportionately by a school teacher, they must have done something to incur their mistreatment. In a scapegoat’s world, there is no winning.
Broadly speaking, a scapegoat might develop one of the following coping mechanisms to survive the abuse they go through, both of which are maladaptive:
As the name of this dynamic suggests, the lost child is the most invisible member in a household led by a narcissist. This child usually receives little to no attention from the narcissistic parent. They grow up rudderless due to a lack of guidance.
They are usually in charge of their own upbringing and look outside of their family for validation, wisdom, and support. As there is rarely a two-way dialogue with the lost child, they might perceive life as a solo journey—seriously jeopardizing their relationships in adulthood.
A version of this article also appears on Forbes.com.
3 Ways Narcissists Objectify Their Children
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26.04.2024
Growing up, our world is severely limited. Our relationship with our parents dictates our well-being and we haven’t yet developed the tools to objectively evaluate our family and its emotional dynamics.
Considering how dependent, vulnerable, and impressionable children are, we can imagine how badly things can go when the parental role falls in the wrong hands. Take narcissism, for instance. A narcissistic parent—driven by self-interest—might organize the entire family around their emotional needs, neglecting and scarring their children in distinct and complicated ways.
Identifying and defining abusive behavior empowers people to learn from it, grow, and move past it. If you have spent your childhood in the shadow of a narcissistic parent, you may identify with at least one of the following dysfunctional parent-child dynamics.
This parent-child relationship has a........
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