Jordan was kicked out of the house at 17 after coming out as gay. A part of her was not surprised: she had heard the way her parents spoke about gay people in their town. Jordan knew from her memories of her fathers facial expressions and statements that her father would not accept her, but she could no longer hide who she was.
Her last memory of them is her mom holding back tears from the hallway while her dad stood in the door, domineering and angry, shouting that he would rather not have a child than have a gay child.
It wasn’t easy, being 17 with no education or job prospects, but she had hitched a ride to Chicago, riding through two midwestern states overnight to arrive early morning to bright lights and loud city noises. She had stayed in shelters, sometimes staying overnight with older men who found her youth and innocence attractive. She did what she needed to survive. Her life had been difficult, and in many ways it still was, although her life was very different now.
Jordan had just celebrated her 50th birthday with a luxury cruise with some friends. "I should feel happy," she began during our first session.
"But you're not." I said, more of an affirmation than a question.
"I'm not. I always feel alone. I am always worried about abandonment. What happened to me was more than 30 years ago. Why am I not over it yet?"
Healing from trauma, particularly the profound wounds inflicted by parental abandonment, is not a simple matter of "getting over it." The scars left by such experiences run deep, impacting individuals on multiple levels—emotionally, psychologically, and even physically. For many, especially those whose trauma was relational and pervasive, the effects are long lasting.
For many of my clients, their trauma developed into symptoms of PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or even Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, C-PTSD. Jordan is one who would meet criteria for this diagnosis due to the trauma of her childhood experiences and resulting abandonment.
A diagnosis is not as important as the person and their experiences. Still, many like to know more about their symptoms, and assigning a diagnostic label can make them feel more empowered. Clients will commonly say, “It feels like I understand it now,” when we discuss these symptoms as normal biological responses to a developing brain growing up in a dysfunctional and traumatic childhood environment.
The following is a list of some of the most common symptoms of CPTSD that clients like Jordan might bring to a session.
1. Environmental stimuli triggering a memory of your trauma: These triggers can range from specific locations or situations to sensory stimuli like sounds or smells, eliciting intense emotional or physiological responses. This can produce avoidance behaviors and difficulties in feeling safe or secure in familiar surroundings, leading many survivors to engage in self-medicating with alcohol or other substances.
2. Inability to relax or difficulty sleeping: Many trauma survivors experience difficulties with sleeping, often manifesting as insomnia, nightmares, or disrupted sleep patterns. Addressing sleep difficulties is crucial in trauma recovery, as adequate rest plays a significant role in overall well-being and emotional regulation.
3. Difficulty with interpersonal relationships: The trauma of being abandoned by a parent leaves an indelible mark that cannot be easily erased or forgotten. It shapes one's sense of self, relationships, and worldview in profound ways, often manifesting in trust issues, attachment difficulties, and a pervasive fear of rejection.
4. Avoidance of the stressful or re-triggering events or environments that remind you of traumatic experience: Avoiding situations, places, or people that serve as reminders of traumatic experiences is a common coping mechanism to minimize distress and emotional discomfort. However, while avoidance may provide temporary relief, it can perpetuate the cycle of fear and reinforce feelings of vulnerability.
5. Intrusive thoughts or intense emotions: Intrusive thoughts and overwhelming emotions are hallmark symptoms of C-PTSD and can significantly disrupt daily functioning. Many trauma survivors report feeling extremely bothered by things like sounds, sensations, even a particular gender’s voice or presence. This understandably impacts daily functioning and social interactions.
6. A feeling of being “detached” from your body or environment: Experiencing a sense of detachment from one's body or surroundings is a common symptom of trauma, often referred to as dissociation. This disconnection can manifest as feeling numb, spaced out, or as if observing oneself from a distance, contributing to difficulties in processing emotions.
7. Feeling quick to fear or anger: Survivors may struggle to regulate their responses to stimuli and may become easily overwhelmed or distressed by sensory input.
8. Feelings of shame, or feeling permanently damaged and ineffective: Many trauma survivors report these common emotional responses to trauma, often undermining self-worth and hindering personal growth and fulfillment. These feelings can significantly impact one's mental well-being and relationships,
9. Extreme fatigue or physical illness: Due to the prolonged activation of the body's stress response system, trauma symptoms place a significant burden on the body, exhausting energy reserves and weakening the immune system. This is why survivors of trauma are more susceptible to infections and other health problems (Ryder et al., 2018)
10. Feelings of hypervigilance: Hypervigilance is a heightened state of alertness and arousal characterized by an intense and persistent scanning of the environment for potential threats or dangers. Hypervigilance can lead to feelings of exhaustion, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. Many report an increased or exaggerated response to sensory stimuli, emotions, or environmental factors that manifest in various ways, such as heightened emotional reactions, increased sensitivity to pain, or exaggerated responses.
This list is not exhaustive, and if your traumas manifest in other ways than those on this list, it does not in any way discount the severity of that trauma. Understanding why we react certain ways to stimuli can help reduce the shame and frustration that comes from lack of awareness, and help improve self-compassion and self-understanding. Use this list as a guide for more help determining if you might have symptoms of post-traumatic stress and if you might want to reach out for additional support.
If you believe you are suffering from PTSD or CPTSD due to long-term trauma or childhood abuse, seek the support of a licensed mental health therapist. Help is available.
Psychology Today's Directory can help you find a therapist near you.
Excerpted, in part, from Breaking the Cycle: The 6 Stages of Healing from Childhood Family Trauma.
References
Giourou E, Skokou M, Andrew SP, Alexopoulou K, Gourzis P, Jelastopulu E. (2018) Complex posttraumatic stress disorder: The need to consolidate a distinct clinical syndrome or to reevaluate features of psychiatric disorders following interpersonal trauma?. World J Psychiatry. 8(1):12-19.
Ryder AL, Azcarate PM, Cohen BE. (2018) PTSD and Physical Health. Curr Psychiatry Rep. 20(12):116.
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