A weedy garden, a broken sidewalk, a crumbling house.
A rusty car, deforestation, air pollution.
What do these things have in common?
They are the result of neglect. Neglect of the earth and neglect of our physical surroundings.
Neglect is failing to care for something properly. We can neglect many different things in different ways and at different times—like the earth, your body, your car, your house, your garden, your job, and so on. Neglect is pervasive and its impact is great. Life-altering, even.
Water pollution is a well-known outcome of humans’ failure to properly care for Mother Earth’s invaluable gifts. But what happens when neglect isn’t so straightforward? What happens when a parent neglects their own child? How does this happen and what is the result?
Let’s answer these questions together.
The above reasons for potentially neglecting a child do not necessarily excuse the neglect, but they can explain it. The point is to understand what can lead a parent to turn a blind eye to their child’s essential needs. Struggle, health, pain, generational patterns, and ignorance are real reasons why some parents fail their children.
It’s common for folks to hear “abuse and neglect” (as these two words are so often grouped together) and immediately imagine straightforward, physical, or painful harm. And many folks respond with something like, “My parents never hurt me.” And that’s wonderful, but it also misses the neglect portion. Neglect is what doesn’t happen, so it can be challenging to pinpoint. Considering how you may have been neglected can help you truly grasp what you did not receive as a child.
As you read about the different types of neglect below, I hope you will reflect on which of your needs were met and which of your needs went unmet. Knowing this is a vital step toward healing.
Let’s examine how neglect may have touched your life.
Perhaps you grew up in a good home and never worried about when your next meal would be. Despite this, you may have had parents who didn’t respond to how you were feeling—who weren’t there for you when you were dealing with a bully, your first heartbreak, academic struggles, or the loss of a pet or a grandparent.
On the contrary, you may have had a parent who was seldom home and dealing with whatever struggle they were facing. But, regardless of their lack of presence, you still felt deeply loved and cared for—your relationship with your parent or parents had emotional substance, depth, warmth, and attunement. Physical neglect without emotional neglect can be much less harmful than pure physical and/or emotional neglect.
So, what did you miss out on in childhood? What are the things you received?
Are you still lacking the same things in adulthood?
If you are a parent today, are you giving your children what you didn’t get? Or, as painful as it is to address, are you unknowingly repeating a pattern?
The amazing thing about neglect is that it’s reversible. When you start eating nourishing meals, your health improves. When you start tending to your garden, your flowers bloom. When you start giving yourself the physical and emotional care you missed out on, you feel seen, loved, and known.
Give yourself what your parents couldn’t. And, better yet, give your children what your parents couldn’t give you. You can’t change the past, but you can change the now. And that will change the future.
© Jonice Webb, Ph.D.
References
To determine if you might be living with the effects of childhood emotional neglect, you can take the free Emotional Neglect Questionnaire. You'll find the link in my bio.
All About Neglect: What You Didn’t Get and What to Do Now
59
3
30.04.2024
A weedy garden, a broken sidewalk, a crumbling house.
A rusty car, deforestation, air pollution.
What do these things have in common?
They are the result of neglect. Neglect of the earth and neglect of our physical surroundings.
Neglect is failing to care for something properly. We can neglect many different things in different ways and at different times—like the earth, your body, your car, your house, your garden, your job, and so on. Neglect is pervasive and its impact is great. Life-altering, even.
Water pollution is a well-known outcome of humans’ failure to properly care for Mother Earth’s invaluable gifts. But what happens when neglect isn’t so straightforward? What happens when a parent neglects their own child? How does this happen and what is the result?
Let’s answer these questions together.
The above reasons for potentially neglecting a child do not necessarily........
© Psychology Today
visit website
login
who are we?
contact us
qosheapp
Toi Staff
Gideon Levy
Belen Fernandez
Rami G Khouri
Donald Low
Mort Laitner
Ali Fathollah-Nejad
Nikkei Editorial
Michael Kwet
