Curiosity makes young people wonder, ask questions, find out, figure out, dare, experiment, and explore what is new, different, and unknown. But why do they need to understand so much?
While ignorance can feel frustrating and worrisome, knowledge can feel interesting and empowering. "The more I know, the more confident I feel."
Adolescence is driven by worldly curiosity. There is so much to experience and learn about older life: "Growing up is for knowing and trying more."
While the infant is curious about the new experience that birthing brings, and the young child is curious to discover what the surrounding world is like, the adolescent is curious to explore older life experiences and experiment with acting more grown up.
Maybe it used to be that parents could delay youthful curiosity: "Wait until you're older for us to talk with you about that." Those innocent days are long gone today because the curious young person has immediate access to that universal information resource, the internet.
The internet and the creation of the online world have changed parenting by supplanting them as a primary source for answering questions about life. Ask anything, and you will be told something–perhaps reliable, perhaps not. Even if parents maintain tight controls over their teenagers' online lives at home, they have no influence on what they access on friends' devices.
Adolescent curiosity grows with growing up.
Stage by stage, the coming of age passage begins a great awakening of worldly interest as four phases of adolescence relentlessly unfold, each impelling more individuality and independence to develop and more need to know.
The primary focus of this curiosity can shift as a girl or boy grows, creating core developmental questions that may sound something like this.
Adolescence is an age of more anxiety because it is a time for acknowledging how much there is to know that one doesn't know—at least not yet. This is why curiosity from ignorance can feel both interesting and alarming.
For example, think about what it must be like for a teenager to enter high school. To be at the very bottom of a much older group of students who have so much more life experience and knowledge than you do can create freshman-year anxiety: "There is so much that I don't know."
Or think of the fast, physically maturing young person who appears advanced in years, is expected to function that way, and is treated accordingly. "I had to learn a lot in a hurry."
Much curiosity is satisfied by what experience has to teach, what parents have taught, online searches, and particularly by what peers have passed on. This latter source of expertise is easy to believe but sometimes seriously wrong. For example:
Always a question worth parents asking when discussing risks is: "About this, what have you heard your friends say?" In adolescence, it's not just what you don't know that can get you in trouble; it's also what you know that isn't so.
About youthful curiosity, parents are often conflicted. They want the girl or boy to be curious to learn what is helpful and true, but they don't want the young person to learn what is harmful or false.
Curiosity is an essential part of human functioning. It can have great comprehension and predictive value when it finds answers youth need to know: "Now I understand more than I did before." And, of course, it can cause painful self-questioning:
People are constant question-askers because curiosity makes them so. Adolescent curiosity motivates interest in older experiences, adventure, and developing skills to cope with living in an adult world.
Most young people need access to some trusted adult with more experience to answer their questions about life while growing older. In many cases, this person is a parent.
However, reluctance to ask a parent can be: "If I ask my parents about it, they'll think I'm into what I'm wondering about when I may be or only want to understand. 'Why do you want to know?' they'll ask suspiciously."
But wanting to hear about it does not necessarily mean being ready to do it, and when it does, it can mean becoming open to learning.
Instead of protesting to your adolescent: "Don't ask about that." Or criticizing: "You should know the answer to that by your age." Or demanding: "Why do you want to know?" be welcoming instead.
Just because youthful questions express ignorance doesn't mean the young person is unintelligent. In fact, they show they are smart enough to want to find out. Curiosity is always intelligent this way.
We'll tell you what we think and are always glad you asked. Please know that your questions are never stupid but always wise because they ask for answers you are curious to know.
Treat adolescent questions not as statements of ignorance or always of intent but as expressions of interest, as readiness to learn about the life, and as an opportunity to grow. Parents can even answer by sharing from longer life experiences what worked well and what didn't. "This is what I found out to my benefit," or "Maybe you can learn from my mistakes."
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