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We need a new 911 so ‘hangry’ eaters don’t kill us all

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Reminder: there is no such thing as a fast-food emergency.

But each year, without fail, a rube with bad judgment and a grumbly belly dials 911 because a Burger King has botched a Western BBQ Burger or a McDonald's has run out of Chicken McNuggets or a Taco Bell is not serving beef burritos. There was the woman who called 911 because her fries were cold. There was the man who called 911 because a deli screwed up the turkey-to-cheese ratio on his sandwich.

Send the police because all I taste right now is mozzarella!

This week, here in Ontario, a 32-year-old woman in Elgin called 911 because her pizza was late. You've heard of those 30-minutes-or-it's-free guarantees? Well, she seems to think it's 30-minutes-or-someone-gets-the-slammer. Imagine being so "hangry" you want squad cars to rush out as cops bust down a pizzeria door and cuff the cook and delivery dude, giving them 5-10 for the ghastly crime of a tardy pie.

This woman probably calls General Electric when it's cloudy.

It's not just fried-chicken disputes and milkshake rows that are clogging 911.

In recent years, bewildered dispatchers have fielded urgent calls........

© Peterborough Examiner