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Our relationships expert Zelda West-Meads answers your questions

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Should I have an affair with my married boss?

I have fallen in love with the man I think I want to spend the rest of my life with – but it’s very complicated. First, he is married and, second, he is one of my bosses at work. It’s a big company so I don’t work directly for him. He is very flirtatious with me when no one is around and has suggested that we have dinner together. I am 31 and he is ten years older and has two children aged ten and eight. I feel guilty but I want to accept his invitation. What should I do?

Tempting as it may seem, your desire to be with this man is blinding you to the consequences. You say that you want to spend the rest of your life with him but, sadly for you, I expect that’s not his plan at all. Imagine for a moment how this might go. You have dinner, perhaps once, perhaps a few times and pretty soon it leads to sex. At first you love seeing him, the sex is fantastic and he tells you he adores you. It is exciting and lovely but because you think he is everything you need, settling for an affair becomes harder. The weekends and most evenings are lonely because he is with his wife and children. So you tell him you want to see more of him. He starts to feel under pressure to spend more time with you, so he withdraws a little and you start having rows. This situation might go on for a year or two, or even longer, until........

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